my job is an awful joke

i drive 45 minutes through rush-hour traffic, in clothing that i hate, to a job that i hate every day. i do this so that i can pay an upside down note on a car that is falling to pieces. i do this so that i can pay off doctors bills, credit cards, and over draft fees. i do this so that i can spend half of my fucking salary at a dive bar, so that i can, in turn, forget about working a job that makes me wish i had the guts to drive off of an over pass and just end it all.
i wake up at six am in order to make it to work by eight. i am officially off work at 4:30 and it takes me 40 minutes to drive home. i spend over 11 hours a day doing something related to work. that's 11 hours of every week day that i'm working a job that i hate. i sleep six of my day's hours, so i spend nearly HALF of my waking life at a job that i hate so that i can be financially free. so that i can be a drunk and forget about those cows i call coworkers.
if i had a soul, my job would be eating away at it. gnawing it down to a goddamn nub.
when i'm climbing up the stairwell every morning, to my dreary office, i sometimes lose my balance and slip a step. i always wonder what it'd be like to fall down five flights of stairs. then, i remember that i'm too lethargic towards my painfully miserable life to give a shit. i'd probably lay, mangled, at the bottom of the stair well thanking fuck that i get to miss a day of work.
they'd never have that, though. punctuality and attendance is a very important part of my job. sometimes management makes it feel as if it's all that's important. believe me, i have a quite a file of write-ups concerning my time and attendance. there's a chain of reprimands you receive before they'll even consider firing you. there are two verbal warnings, a couple of written warnings, five or so official reprimands, suspension from work without pay for three days, another written reprimand, and only then do they consider firing you. i'm doomed to never lose this job unless i absolutely lose my shit and let everyone know how worthless they are, really.
that's not going to happen. i need an income. right now, jobs that pay as well as this aren't easy to come by. the assholes i work for also offer benefits that are necessary to my mental health which is really fucking funny because they're the ones driving me into the ground. straight fucking down.
THANK YOU, COMPANY FOR WHICH I WORK. FOR WITHOUT YOU, I MIGHT BE HAPPY BUT I'D BE POOR AND LET'S ALL CONFESS, BEING FINANCIALLY STABLE IS WORTH YOUR HAPPINESS.



:)